To SHE. or not to SHE. That is the question.

I wrote this letter to myself several months ago, contemplating how we are going to heal the world. At the time I didn't actually think I would ever publish this piece of writing, but after reading it to a friend, she encouraged me to do just that.

It explains so much. How we all know what we need to do, but are too afraid to ask:

"Are we actually willing to do what it takes to make it happen?"


Act 1 - Pivotal Moment

I read an article last night that completely turned my SHE-shirt idea on its head. It brought to light, the true impact of my dream of designing a fashion line.

It could have been that I was up too late, laying in a hotel room wide awake from drinking too much Red Bull, after a night on the town. It could have been the remnants of the buzz I had from the few puffs I took shortly before I tried to rest my head. It could have simply been the words written in that article, presented in a way that hit my heart, at just the right angle, to fully understand, we need to take action or we are pretty much f*$ked.

The article spoke about the impact of climate change and how the fashion industry was second after oil, for contributing to the detriment of our planet. This is a debatable allegation and not necessarily founded on truth, (it could be slightly further down the line), But it hit home. After wanting to start SHE. so my husband could come home and be with our family, it felt like I was trading in the devil I knew, for the devil I didn't.

Shakespeare in Love?

I started questioning my dream to create a brand new line of clothing. I started wondering if making new clothes and adding to the growing problem of excess production and its environmental impact, was really such a great idea.  ‘Fast fashion’ is a huge part of the problem, there is no doubt. The growing concern of how we slow down our consumption to a manageable rate, so we can keep our planet healthy and strong, is a reasonable and necessary consideration. 


As some of you may know, my husband works in the oil field. You may have lots to say about this, one way or another,  but if you are reading this on your phone, in your house, after you drove to the store to get groceries, I don’t want to hear your hypocritical opinions. Those without sins may cast the first stone. I have my own sins to bear about this, and I will not deny I have lived a fortunate and blessed life because of oil and gas. In saying that, I have always felt as though, this is the oxymoron of my life. 

My husband sacrifices so much for our family. He lives the majority of the time away from his children. He works insane hours, in dangerous conditions, and does it all in the name of love. I am grateful for all that he does, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have moments, when I am seriously conflicted about what the hell we are thinking. 


All that glisters is not gold

I believe in socialism, yet I am a capitalist. I believe in a sustainable future, yet my husband rapes and pillages the earth. I care about the planet remaining a vibrant playground for human enjoyment, where all living things can live in harmony, yet it feels easier to keep on living in my little bubble of complacency. I desire a world that thrives, for my unborn grandchildren, yet I’m ok with not doing the work it takes to get there. I’m ok with blaming someone else and saying that whatever I do, or don’t do, is not going to matter any way.

I want all humans to come together to make radical change,  but I don’t want to change my own lifestyle, give up traveling or sacrifice the things I love. And the biggest yet of all, is I understand the urgency in which we must act, to effect change on a permanent and massive level. Which brings me to believe, there has to be a better way. 


The lady doth protest too much, me thinks

There is so much about SHE. that is right and every moment I spent contributing to our community, encouraging young girls and sharing information to empower women, was a moment when I felt I was on the right track. But something inside of me was pulling me back, there was so much resistance, it was hard to deny.

I had so many opportunities to propel SHE. to the next level and each time there was something about it that didn't feel right. Maybe I was just allowing fear to dictate my life, maybe I was kidding myself about those opportunities and their potential, but maybe, just maybe it wasn't the right thing for me to do in that moment. 

This has been a difficult decision. There have been many hours dedicated to planning, dreaming, preparing and producing something we believed in. I know some people may be disappointed and think I let them down, I own that. But right now the choice to step away, is the right one for me. And it is possible, this is not the end. Because lets face it, the bones are good.

To thine own self be true

I dream of a future where all people can rise together, where all people thrive and where we live in a regenerating, abundant universe. I dream of a place where people support each other and see their face, in the faces of others. I dream of a time when we can easily make choices for the betterment of humanity AND the world we live in. And all this without feeling as though we are sacrificing more than we are willing to give. Amazingly enough,  I truly believe with all my heart, this is possible. 


This is just a glimpse. This is my personal experience and my contradictory feelings. Knowing what needs to be done but feeling like many before me, who tell others what THEY should do rather than looking at themselves. I don't want to point fingers any more or blame anyone else. It starts with me. This is my declaration, from this point on, I will be the change I want to see in the world 

Now let’s all do our best effort to reduce our waste, lower our impact and move toward a greener future for everyone.  I thank you all for your love and support and look forward to the next adventure. 


Photo credits because without these photographers, I would have no pics, so Thanks 

Photo 1 – World

Photo by <a href="/photographer/spekulator-53353">B S K</a> from <a href="">FreeImages</a>

Photo 2 – Dry Earth

Photo by <a href="/photographer/dlritter-35371">dlritter</a> from <a href="">FreeImages</a>

Photo 3 – Store front

Photo by <a href="/photographer/D3Design-31924">Gustavo Majstruk</a> from <a href="">FreeImages</a>

Photo 4 - Smoke

Photo by <a href="/photographer/kit1578-40619">nikita golovanov</a> from <a href="">FreeImages</a>

Photo 5 – Pond

Photo by <a href="/photographer/ubik2010-55468">gianni testore</a> from <a href="">FreeImages</a>   

Photo 6 –  Sky light

Photo by <a href="/photographer/atburn-60115">Nikolya Magukov</a> from <a href="">FreeImages</a>

Photo 7 – Hands Light

Photo by <a href="/photographer/mmagallan-38172">Mario Alberto Magallanes Trejo</a> from <a href="">FreeImages</a>